Two nights ago, I couldn't sleep. For no reason other than my mind and heart were racing. There is so much to think about in wrapping up. Especially when you are wrapping up what feels like a life, rather than a simple "trip." I've been in Thailand a long time, and not so long at all. It's strange, feeling like my time here has waffled between minutes and forever.
I still don't have all the answers people want from me or that I want for myself (like exactly what my plans are for next month...). Add that onto the fact that I have five pages of things to do, goodbyes to say, and items that need to be wrapped up... and you have me up at 5:00 am.
So how am I feeling? I'm excited and grieving, crippled by unexpected pains and moments of clarity, overwhelmed and weary, driven and manic. Behold. It's the ever popular season I find myself in yet again, the liminal space between two places. Not completely here and not yet there. I know that fissure will only amplify as my time here closes.
Please pray for me. I know my blog posts have been a bit erratic lately, but that's about to change! Part of me processing and ending well is closely tied with writing. So, as tomorrow marks my final month in Thailand, I will be posting one brief snippet, snapshot, moment from my time here each day-- leading up to my departure.
As much as this experience has been mine, I feel that it has been yours as well. You have followed my blog, read my stories, heard my heart and prayed for Bangkok. I want you to have one final month to see, perhaps a little more clearly, all that you have invested in.
In the words of Bilbo Baggins, (who, according to my dear sister, is my personality-twin):
I still don't have all the answers people want from me or that I want for myself (like exactly what my plans are for next month...). Add that onto the fact that I have five pages of things to do, goodbyes to say, and items that need to be wrapped up... and you have me up at 5:00 am.
So how am I feeling? I'm excited and grieving, crippled by unexpected pains and moments of clarity, overwhelmed and weary, driven and manic. Behold. It's the ever popular season I find myself in yet again, the liminal space between two places. Not completely here and not yet there. I know that fissure will only amplify as my time here closes.
Please pray for me. I know my blog posts have been a bit erratic lately, but that's about to change! Part of me processing and ending well is closely tied with writing. So, as tomorrow marks my final month in Thailand, I will be posting one brief snippet, snapshot, moment from my time here each day-- leading up to my departure.
As much as this experience has been mine, I feel that it has been yours as well. You have followed my blog, read my stories, heard my heart and prayed for Bangkok. I want you to have one final month to see, perhaps a little more clearly, all that you have invested in.
In the words of Bilbo Baggins, (who, according to my dear sister, is my personality-twin):
"Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!"
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