home sweet home.

From attending Spotswood my first day home, to celebrating my niece's first birthday and Addison's third birthday, to interviewing for a position (and getting hired!), to gift shopping and wrapping, decorating Christmas trees and cookies... it's been a whirlwind. And it's only been a week.

It still feels a little unreal.

When I first arrived in Thailand, I felt adjusted after a week. Then, I felt really adjusted after a month. Then three months. The longer I was there, the more I felt like, "I wasn't actually adjusted before, but now I am." It wasn't until month ten/eleven that I stopped feeling that way. Coming home feels very similar. Everything is familiar, and so I want to say I'm adjusted, but I know I'm not. There is so much here that I am seeing and experiencing with fresh eyes, and it's taking time to process.

Many of you have asked for me to come and share with your groups and Sunday morning classes, and I would love to! The Lord has given me a unique opportunity and I want to be faithful in communicating back to you all what you were a part of. However, between Christmas and traveling over New Years, this month is very hectic. Once things settle down, in January, though, I would love to set up some times to speak and share. If you already know of some dates/times when you would like me to share in the new year, send me an email: lizswauger@gmail.com.

Thank you for your investment in my life and in Kingdom work! If you missed my post about Jum and my follow up post, please check them out. You will be encouraged by doing so.

liminal space.

Liminal space is "a state of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage" between two seasons, or places in life. I think that this middle ground is the hard stuff of transitions... When you are no longer where you are, but not yet where you are going.

As I am wrapping things up here in America, my body can sense change coming... I'm trying to plan and prepare while also being "in the moment" and treasuring these last three days with the people I love. I still have bags to pack and people to see. Monday morning I'll depart with Steph for our long journey back to Bangkok. I think that's why I can't sleep... I don't want to miss anything.

A lot of people have asked where my heart is at, what I'm feeling and processing about returning to Thailand for 6 more months. Am I excited? Am I nervous? Am I sad? I think the emotion that I'm feeling needs a new label, because it's a conglomerate of a great many things.

God is doing incredible things at Spotswood and I have been singularly blessed to have been able to jump back into life here these past few weeks. It's so encouraging to see the new faces and changes that the last year has brought! For this brief window, I've been able to serve and observe... I love that. I have also been able to reconnect with friends and have face-to-face/heart-to-heart conversations that have watered my soul. And yet, as good as those things are, they also make me a little sad to leave because I know more acutely what I am missing.

At the same time, however, I am excited to go back to Thailand. I know that Bangkok is where God has called me for the next six months. I'm excited to help Steph adjust to life/ministry, picking back up with tutoring the girls at Rahab (and meeting some new faces!), serving alongside the dozen college interns coming for Mission Training School at LifePoint, meeting new "family members" at the Community House and teaching classes again! It'll be a busy start to the term, but an exciting one... and I'm looking forward to jumping in and picking up where I left off.

For all of you who have continued to lift me up in prayer, thank you. It has been a crazy-wonderful-whirlwind year... and it's not over! I still very much covet your prayers as I enter into this new chapter, which, though similar, will be a different season with different lessons. I still don't do transitions as smoothly as I wish I did, so please keep me in your prayers as life wraps up here and as God prepares my heart to return to the work He has prepared for me in Thailand. I'm thankful that God is the God of every season... even the weird in-between liminal ones! :)

At risk of being a little sentimental, here are a couple pictures/moments from my time in the US of A.

[My first trip to Chipotle with some of the UMW gals]

[The only thing sweeter than time with grandma is time with grandma at Sweet Frog!]

[Visiting some dear family friends]

[Spending some quality time with one of my college roomies!]

[Hiking Old Rag] 

[Highlight: Every time I got to hang out with this girl.]

[Uhm. I have the cutest niece ever. The end.]

[Catching up with the newest Mrs. Keaton!]

mother's day.

I'm baaack (and will stay back until June 24th)!

Sorry for some of the confusion surrounding my return... As Mother's Day is past, I can now reveal the truth in full-disclosure! I surprised my mom (and dad and younger brother) on Mother's Day with a surprise return. They weren't expecting me until later in May and I needed to keep it a secret as long as possible :)

It was totally worth it!

Sunday was a beautiful and priceless moment. I loved being able to surprise them (their faces were ones of complete shock!) and it really appeased my ornery streak.

This first week back, ie: "family-week," has been a wonderful time to relax with the fam, grandma, (+ a little trip to visit folks at church and my FCS family!) and tomorrow I'll get to meet my niece for the first time!! This cushion week is also allowing me time to recover from jet-lag and re-adjust to America. So far, it's been a smooth transition... aside from my sleeping patterns being a hot mess, but that will work itself out in time, I'm sure.

I'm looking forward to getting to connect with many of you starting next week! My first week back at Spotswood will be this Sunday, May 19th. Hopefully I will be able to see and hug many of you there!! Shoot me an email or text (I have my old/same phone number) if you'd like to schedule a time to meet up/catch up/get coffee/etc.

See y'all soon!!

wide open spaces.

It's hard to believe that in less than a month I'll be boarding a plane to return to a different land of the red, white and blue. It'll have been a year since I saw many of you. A year. As I've been thinking and trying to prepare my heart for this homecoming, I have a request: give me space.

Give me space to be different. Yes, in most ways I'm still very much the same, but living internationally has and is changing me. I feel like I've changed inside, though I'm not sure how exactly to articulate it... I have met people, had conversations, and watched my world both shrink and grow simultaneously. To steal one of my favorite Thai phrases, I feel "same, same, but different."

Give me space to have matured. I have had to do everything on my own this past year. There's been no hand-holding or coddling. I've had to feel the full brunt of the consequences of my actions, be they good or bad. I feel capable and confident in allowing myself the experience of both messing up and working with God to fix it... that's the place where growth happens.

Give me space to fail and be imperfect. As much as I wish I was returning a perfectly holy and sanctified person completely complete and not lacking in anything... that's not true. Don't put me on a pedestal. Don't expect that I have arrived. Or that I'll never make a bad call or put my foot in my mouth. I'm still very much a work in progress.

Give me space to explain. I'm not always going to have neat and tidy answers for you. As much as some things have been cleared up in my head, as many (if not more) have also been complicated. I'm sorting it out. I'm trying to understand and to process. So be patient with me as I try to answer and communicate my heart with you.

Give me space to just be Liz. As much as Thailand has been a defining part of my life, it's just a piece of who I am... not my sole identity. And while God has used this place and this experience to grow and use me, I am more than just the "Thailand" part of me. Yes, I know I'll have lots of things to share, and yes, I want to talk about Thailand. But know that I'm okay with not always talking about Thailand. I'm okay being "just Liz."