100% God.

Every morning for the last few weeks, (except Tuesdays, which I have claimed as a personal "Sabbath") I go to LifePoint for a 4-hour class (MTS: Missions Training School) which covers topics ranging from personality types, conflict resolution, theology, the purpose of missions, worship, Old and New Testament surveys, and prayer to spiritual warfare. Yes, all that, and then some, crammed into two weeks (with four more to go!). My head and heart have been in overload trying to process, internalize and apply the flood of new information... as Pastor David prayed for us last week, God has been "sharpening my mind and softening my heart."

This morning in my quiet time at MTS, I read Acts 12. The two headers are: "Peter's Miraculous Escape From Prison" and "Herod's Death."

Here are the cliff notes:

Peter is in jail for preaching the Gospel... and Herod's planning to have him killed. The church is praying for him. An angel appears in the prison, wakes Peter up, frees him, and escorts him out of the prison to safety. Peter's response is, "Now I know without a doubt that the Lord sent His angel and rescued me from Herod's clutches and from everything the Jewish people were anticipating." He then goes to Mary's house and his friends are (understandably) shocked to see him. Peter then described "how the Lord had brought him out of prison." 

Crazy story, right? Here Peter is in shackles, with no ability to free himself, help himself, or do anything... and God rescues him! God sends the angel. God releases his shackles. God (through His angel) leads him out of prison and into safety. All God. And when Peter is released, he has one response: tell people what God did. 

Then there's part two. Herod is delivering a public address to the people and they begin to murmur that, "This is the voice of a god, not of a man." And, instead of giving credit and glory to God (where it was do... because God created Herod with his speaking gifts and abilities), Herod is silent. And, "immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down and he was eaten by worms and died."

What the heck. That is a terrifying mental image. And also a great juxtaposition of two men. One who understood that when God does the work, He gets the glory and one who... didn't.

Through that passage, God reminded me of this:

I was in bondage to sin. I was bound with no hope of escape or release. My verdict had been declared, and it was death. There was nothing to be done, nothing I could do, and nothing the ones I loved could do for me. But God made a way. He sent His Son, to live, die and be resurrected... not because I'm awesome and deserve to be saved, but because through rescuing me from sin, the Father would be glorified. My salvation was a wonderful side effect of Christ's mission: to make much of His Father.

[At the Klong Toey slums. Photo Credit: Brandon Tomlin]

And so I was freed from my shackles and from slavery to sin, and given a new life, new hope and grafted into the family of God. Then, though the Holy Spirit, God gave me the ability to understand the Scriptures. He gave me the knowledge and wisdom I needed to grow in the process of sanctification. He was the One who instructed my heart with the Truth. Then, He gave me a mission to share with others about His greatness, His grace, and His desire for reconciliation... with the end result being: Him creating more worshippers of Himself. He sent me out with His words, to share with people that He made, whose hearts He has been preparing to receive His message. Then, I share His Word with them, and as He promises, it does not return void. He convicts them, instructs them, and woos them to Himself. Then, as they admit their sin and repent and confess Him as Lord... He saves them. Oh, and those spiritual gifts that I'm able to use to build up and encourage my church? God gave them to me. And my talents? Yup, got those from God too. Do you see in this story what I can take credit for? Absolutely nothing. He has done everything.

Doug often mentions that being a pastor is "humiliating" because the words he speaks are not his own, and the work those words do in the lives of people are not his work. At the end of the day, he can take credit for nothing... He can only thank God that he was used, and praise God that He was faithful in pursuing and convicting and redeeming the hearts of His people.

I think it's not just pastors, though, it's all believers. We cannot take credit for anything, because God, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, has accomplished it all already! When I get to share with someone about the Gospel... it's not, "Yay me! I had an opportunity to share, and maybe I helped convince them to accept Christ!" Instead, it's, "Wow. God loves this person so much that He put me in their path and gave me the opportunity to share the truth about our Creator with one of His creation.*" My response to sharing the Gospel stops being me patting myself on the back, and instead becomes yet another opportunity and reason to worship God.

---
* Loosely quoted from Pastor David

easter.

I feel like I'm never going to fall asleep tonight because I am so full of energy and joy at being able to be a part of the plan and work of God. I truly think there is no greater fulfillment than being where God has called you to be and doing His work.

It doesn't always feel like this (see post from a few weeks ago). Some days I'm discouraged. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right decisions or if I'm doing the "right thing." But then there are days and weekends like this one... when I remember without any doubt exactly why God has me here.

Where to start with Easter? Church this morning... wow. I'm not sure how to capture the power of having so many nationalities (Thai, American, Chinese, Japanese, Burmese) in so many places spiritually (orphaned and adopted, dead and alive, under the law and under grace) all in the same place on an Easter morning, hearing the same message. This morning was a beautiful reminder that our God is not American. He is the God of all nations! 

David (our Pastor) was faithful, as He is every week, in boldly preaching the Gospel. He taught on 7 proofs of the Resurrection and ended with reiterating the Gospel. I want to share one of the things he said at the end that really struck me. He was talking about what we can give God that He has not already given us. Our life... He gave us that. Our time... He gave us that. Our money... He gave us that. Our hearts... but He gave us those, too. The only thing we can give to God that we did not receive from Him is our sin. Wow. Let that sink in a moment. That's the only thing that we have that we earned for ourselves. And that's the one thing God asks for in exchange for His righteousness, perfection, and forgiveness. For us to hand over the filthy rags of our self-made, hard-earned sin. The message of the cross and tomb, truly is Good News for all who hear!

There were so many other wonderful parts to today that I am having trouble organizing due to my enthusiasm. (I've considered just substituting words and sentences with long strings of exclamation points, but I'm not sure how well that would really communicate what I'm trying to share, haha.) But other highlights include: my friend from Thai class coming to church this Sunday! The High-School Missions Team from LifePoint: Symrna arriving in Bangkok and attending service. Our after-church scavenger hunt / "city orientation" for the team. So fun! (We split the HS team into groups with Thais and farangs and gave them a sampling of different places to go and foods to try. What a blast to get to know both the new team as well as some of our visitors better.) One of my new friends here, Chelsea, summed today up well:

"The Gospel fell upon ears who had never heard it. We worshiped beautifully. The message of truth was shared, food and fellowship followed, as did a scavenger hunt all around Bangkok. Laughing the day away with some of my dearest friends here. Overflowing with thankfulness for the life I've found in Him!"

[A few of the many who went on the "city orientation"! Chelsea, Monica, Jack, Nisa, Hailley and Kathy]

I hope that you and your families had a wonderful Easter celebrating Jesus! From Bangkok to wherever you are living and serving, He is RISEN!

FNL.

Tonight is Friday. Fridays mean Friday Night Life. It's a weekly ministry that the teachers at the BSC are a part of (music, games, English lessons)-- and tonight we were discussing emphatic stress (which is really irrelevant to this post, but now you know!). The goal of each English lesson is to link the lesson to a topic that can be used for spiritual conversations. I won't bore you with everything that got us to this point, but at the end the question was, who loves you the most?

We broke our big circle into small groups of 3-5. Each person shared with their group who loved them the most and why. When it was my turn, I shared that while my family loves me very much, and has sacrificed a lot for me, that God loves me more than even they do. God loved me enough to allow His Son to die, so that I could have a relationship with Him.

One of the men (I will refer to him as J), asked if I really did feel that God loved me. I said yes; I do know and feel His love for me. Then he said something that struck me. He said, "I cannot say Buddha loves me."

Among many other differences between Christianity and Buddhism, this one really is glaring. Buddha did not die for anyone. He did not love the world. He did not desire a relationship with us. Buddhists pray to Buddha in hope that he will listen or answer, but they have no assurance. They are offered no relationship.

I am so thankful to have a Father who loves demonstratively and who is "...not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9). He is a God who is known and can be known and he is a God who desires his creation to know Him.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

-Romans 5:6-8

Done

This morning I had the singular opportunity to share with my church family (in two minutes) about GotLife-- what it is to me and why I participate in it. It felt very surreal. The only thing that felt real was the flip flopping of my stomach and general sense of nausea before going up to the stage each service. But God is so faithful.

Last night I had everything typed out and timed for what I wanted to say... but I felt unsettled about it. So, I prayed, went back through it again, gutted all but a few sentences and started over. I love getting on my soapbox about different topics, but that was not the point of this morning. I wasn't asked to give a sermon or to take over for the Holy Spirit and convict people. I was just asked to tell my story and let God do what He does best. And that is what I tried to do.

It was a very weighty thing to be given the mic and asked to share about something that is so central to the heart of God... sharing His Good News. I feel very humbled that I was asked to share, and I hope that as broken a vessel as I am, that Christ shined through. But after mulling this over for weeks, I am so glad it is behind me.

I am looking forward to a restful sleep tonight! :)