mini-course.

God is so good. I love saying that. I love saying it even more after He shows me His goodness in a new way. Mini-course has been one of these things hanging over my head since I found out about it... What is it? No one could give me a clear answer. "Hundreds of kids," they said. "Chaotic, unruly," they continued. "No structure, good luck!" they finished up. "They" freaked me out a little! Today was my first day and granted, it had moments of crazy, and there were hundreds of kids, but I am grateful that all of those things are within the control of my God.

In the weeks leading up to mini-course, I was a bit at a loss... after all, how does one prepare for something so seemingly foreign? God convicted me to really pray about it. To pray over what specifically I would teach, even down to the games we would play. So, not expecting too much, I did. And He really shined. Of course I was nervous, after all I haven't been trained, I don't speak Thai, there are so many reasons I'm not really qualified to do this... But Jesus was a teacher. And He loved kids. And He knew exactly what needed to happen today, and He did it.

There have been so many of these little faith moments since I have been here. Times when I am forced to hold out my hands to my Father and say, "If you don't give me ___, I have nothing." Francis Chan has a great quote in Crazy Love that keeps coming back to my heart:

"God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through." 

It is sooo hard to willingly (or unwillingly) be put in situations where my only option is reliance on the provision and wisdom of God. When I'm just not clever enough, or creative enough, or talented enough, or fill-in-the-blank enough on my own... and the only one who is is Christ. Despite it being difficult and feeling a little uncomfortable, (you try being completely powerless over something, and see if it's not unnerving!) I think it's a good place to be.

Laura and I had a really good conversation a few weeks ago about how we can grow in our faith. How can we become more strong and bold and courageous in our faith- both practically and in prayer? I think the way this happens is through little faith steps. Moments when we let go of the assurance that our talents and giftings give us, and let God show up instead. Yes, of course He gives us skills to use and glorify Him with... but they are just a tool, it is still Christ who is to be fully relied upon.

Thailand is helping me realize more and more that I am not capable and not able; I am not good or loving or talented. But He is. Every day I am reminded that I am not great, but my prayer is that this realization will cause my view of God to be greater. Me being "stronger in my faith", means rooting out those areas where I rely on self, so that Christ can be Lord there instead. It's not really becoming stronger at all, it's identifying and recognizing more areas of weakness- which will then breed a greater dependency on God. Maybe that is why Paul could write:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Cor. 12:9-10

Thank you, to all who have been praying for mini-course. And for those of you who haven't, no fear, this is week one of three, so there's still plenty of time!!