24.

24. More than just an awesome TV series involving Jack Bauer.

Today was my 24th birthday. 24. My last year before being pigeon-holed into a new age bracket (25-44). It was a really wonderful day-- which started off with an anonymous breakfast, sweet cards from my co-workers and a singing hamburger card from my Tamra's son, Zack. Not even a video would do this card justice. I'll have it with me the next few days if you would like to see it, just ask!

For all of you who wished me a happy birthday today, bought my meals, or gave me thoughtful and sweet gifts, thank you! I had such a nice day, and it was because of your thoughtfulness. I am so blessed to have such incredible friends and such a strong network of people who care about me.

My mom texted me at work today and informed me that her and my dad had bought my luggage for Thailand (see below). I picked them up from her at church tonight, complete with the loud and conspicious balloons. The luggage seems huge right now, but I'm sure as soon as I try to negotiate a year's worth of clothes and supplies in them, they will start looking much much smaller.

Thailand is coming! It keeps getting closer and closer and becoming more and more real. Claire and I had the opportunity to talk with Rose last night and pick her brain about living in Thailand. We also will be skyping with John Lapos next week to touch base and make sure we are on track with our preparations.

Please keep praying that we will continue to push through and be diligent in completing our Thailand to-do items, while also not neglecting our responsibilities here-and-now.

Done

This morning I had the singular opportunity to share with my church family (in two minutes) about GotLife-- what it is to me and why I participate in it. It felt very surreal. The only thing that felt real was the flip flopping of my stomach and general sense of nausea before going up to the stage each service. But God is so faithful.

Last night I had everything typed out and timed for what I wanted to say... but I felt unsettled about it. So, I prayed, went back through it again, gutted all but a few sentences and started over. I love getting on my soapbox about different topics, but that was not the point of this morning. I wasn't asked to give a sermon or to take over for the Holy Spirit and convict people. I was just asked to tell my story and let God do what He does best. And that is what I tried to do.

It was a very weighty thing to be given the mic and asked to share about something that is so central to the heart of God... sharing His Good News. I feel very humbled that I was asked to share, and I hope that as broken a vessel as I am, that Christ shined through. But after mulling this over for weeks, I am so glad it is behind me.

I am looking forward to a restful sleep tonight! :)

Disqualified

Why is it that so many of us struggle to share our testimony/faith/the Gospel?

One thing I consistently hear people say is that they don't feel qualified to share the Gospel. And usually this is not meant in a "I'm not educated enough" sort of context. Rather, we allow previous sin or personal insecurities to "disqualify" us from being vocal about our faith. (I use " " marks, because I do not actually believe that the privilege to share the Gospel is earned and it, therefore, cannot be disqualified)

However, while reading through Exodus, I noticed two very interesting parallels between Moses' life and our own (ref: Exodus 4).

(1) After being told his upcoming mission, Moses tells God, "O LORD, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." To which God replies, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." This however, is not enough for Moses. He is so human here. So identifiable.  "But Moses said, 'O LORD, please send someone else to do it.'"

Maybe he had trouble articulating the things he wanted to say. Maybe when he was put on the spot he faltered. Stuttered. Sounded silly. Maybe he felt awkward, insecure and inadequate. We've all been there, right?

(2) Then there was this little blurb between the burning bush and Moses' trek to Egypt:

At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met Moses and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said “bridegroom of blood,” referring to circumcision.) -Ex. 4:24-26

And then it picks up with Aaron meeting Moses like nothing happened the night before. Isn't that strange? It was an odd read at face value even without going into all the things the footnotes said... But here's what I gathered as being the bottom line:

Moses sinned.

Moses was supposed to circumcise his son (per Gen 17:9-14), and for whatever reason, he was disobedient and didn't.

And this is the man God used as His mouthpiece to Egypt-- the awkward, self-conscious, sinful Moses. Who, also, by the way, was a murderer. This man was sent back to the place (and people) of his greatest failure to announce the onset of their greatest deliverance. God did not disqualify him because of his sin and insecurities, He used him.

I don't think I'll ever fully understand why God loves using broken things so much. Why He delights in those that society overlooks. Why He not only uses the lowly things, and the weak things, and the things which are not... but also, years later, would choose to enter His creation as one of these things.

So, next time you feel insecure and weak and like a sinner... good. You are one. Salvation never depended on our effort or quality, neither does the process of our sanctification. Tullian states that:

"If God has saved you—if he’s given you the faith to believe, and you’re now a Christian; if you’ve transferred trust from your own accomplishments and abilities to Christ’s accomplishment on behalf of sinners—then here’s the good news. In the phraseology of Colossians 1, it’s simply this: You’ve already been qualified, you’ve already been delivered, you’ve already been transferred, you’ve already been redeemed, you’ve already been forgiven.

The everything we need and long for, Paul says, we already possess if we are in Christ. He has already sweepingly secured all that our hearts deeply crave."

Praise God that He uses broken people as His vessels to take the Good News to the world. Don't disqualify yourself from receiving the blessing of being a part of His plan.

1 Cor 1:26-31

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.'"

Amazing Love

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53:3-6)

Evangelism

I love that God gives us experiences and "God moments"-- and then gives us opportunities to share them with others to edify and build up the Body. A few weeks ago one of the pastors at my church asked me if I would be willing to share my testimony about my experience with GotLife (an evangelism class) with the church (2/19). I said yes.

Since then, I've been thinking and praying about what I should share. I feel like it's easy to make "evangelism" into some great big nebulous oooaahh-thing. Really, it's not, or at least, it shouldn't be. Doug is always talking about how we should wake up in the mornings and remind ourselves of the Gospel-- of daily reorientating ourselves to the point of our justification.

We need to daily remind ourselves that God is perfect and flawless, and that He created everything. And that we, as people, are lawless. We have sinned against God, broken His commands and set our lives (from birth) opposed to Him as His enemies. But because of His love for us, He sent Christ-- God incarnate-- to live the life we couldn't live, and drink the wrath of God and punishment for our sin that we couldn't bear. If I choose to accept this, it accomplishes two things; first, it shows the great justice and love of God. God could not leave the guilty (me) unpunished; so Christ took the punishment I earned. Secondly, through accepting Christ's payment for my sin, I am given (freely!) not only forgiveness, but also the righteousness of Christ.

The more I tell this to myself (and have it told to me), the more it is on my mind and in my heart. The more it is in my mind and on my heart, the more likely I am to speak it. It should be an outgrowth of an internal realization. The more I focus on Jesus, the cross, and the salvation that has been freely given to me, the more joy I will have and the greater my desire to share it will be. Thus, evangelism becomes more than a two-month program or a "training class" or fill-in-the-blank. Instead, it truly does become a lifestyle. It is about looking for opportunities to speak the name of Jesus in every conversation. It is about looking for ways to invest in people who have no knowledge of God. It is about giving, and serving, and loving in the name of Christ those who could never repay you. It is about the Holy Spirit compelling you to do these things and about God getting the glory.

In small group, Laurie brought up a great point from one of the breakout speakers at 20/20-- that God's intention for man has always been to create more worshippers of Himself-- from Adam and Eve's "be fruitful and multiply" to the Great Commission's "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations..." That has always been God's "Plan A." God does all the work to bring hearts to Himself and to save the lost, but we are given the distinct privilege of being a part of God's plan to take His Name to the nations.

So, where does that leave GotLife? I still think it is awesome. No, it's not the end-all-be-all of evangelism. Of course not. But if God and the message of the Gospel is impressed daily on my heart, why wouldn't I want another opportunity to share with others about Him? Why wouldn't I want to invite people into a community of people (the church) to learn about God, worship Him, and serve side-by-side with others?

I love my church. It is not perfect, but we love God and we love each other. And while we don't always do that perfectly, there is grace where we fall short. I want for my life to be one that is characterized by being vocal about my Family and my Father.

Raising Support

I received my first "donation envelope" this week. Not from a close friend, or relative, or rich adult... but from a student I just met! I spoke a few weeks ago at the Awana missions night-- and one of the boys there decided he wanted to help send me to Thailand to be a missionary. So he did. He wrote me a note (see below) with his generous donation. I am blown away.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."
-1 Timothy 4:12

Bangkok Travel Tips

A great video the LifePoint missionaries made about life/tourism in Bangkok. It is so good. And so true.

Bangkok Be Smart Guide from brett clark on Vimeo.